anaesthesia..

i cried when i was born...i have cried many more times since then!life has shown me many faces...life has been kind to me in so many ways!but has put on that ugly mask...oh..so many times!but at the end,that 'ugly' part is just what i called it..a 'mask'!!coz,right down at the root...life is kind,very kind...i used to dream of what people will think and do when i die!!i even tried my hand at taking my life...it never works that way!coz when u dont want to live anymore...u send a signal to some super-power out there...a signal which tells HIM that its time to make u realise how futile your attempts are!you might wish to wash your hands off...but you just cant do it that way...u HAVE to live.you are nothing but a coward if u call it 'the end'...yes,i have seen tough times...my brain hasnt always been straight...i have made mistakes and suffered for it..so what?does it make a difference?it doesnt stop me from making mistakes again n again...but life keeps me afloat..a li'l bubble in the sea of uncertainty.these thoughts are good..they keep me going..
"strange are the ways of sadness and dejection...
it makes u go through the worst of rejection...
& yet it teaches you the biggest lessons..
in accepting your own SELF..
by drowning in life's very essence!"
SO LONG...li'l lost soul!

minimalistic mind

its crazy.this entire humdrum called 'life'!!when i was young...i had dreams of growing up...everyone else dreamt of becoming an astronaut,or an actress,or a doctor!!but i just dreamt of growing big!period.being a kid,dwarfed by so many 'tall' things around was frustating for me!tall people,tall talks....i dint like it at all...i used to stare at the big girls of our convent's high school....and wish and wish to emulate them as best as i could!!dont know why i was like that but i was like a very 'sombre in the inside' kind of kid!
as i grew up,my inhibitions gave way to passion and excitement....i was learning!learning all those things that grown up knew and never divulged when kids were around...i learnt by myself,from friends,from the dictionary,in books!here,i not only mean the tabooed stuff of childhood(love,sex,temptation...to be precise!) but i also refer to ambition,friendship,betrayal,jealousy......all that was previously just a hazy dust in the horizon was suddenly all over me,dripping over my brains,soaking into my soul.....i never complained....i was finally 'growing up'....so i had my dream fulfilled pretty fast in life!:)
then came the part of life where you have absorbed enough and would just like some time to recurperate...but suddenly,time takes off like a F1 automobile and you find yourself trapped in it's grasp....i did not want to grow up anymore...i did not want any more lessons on life's sinful canvas!but i could do nothing to make it stop!
maybe i could have started writing passionately earlier in my life....but as the cliche goes 'better late than never at all!!' so this is my first blog and its about the first thing that my soul acknowledged right from the time it entered the realm of this 'unreal' reality of earth zone...there is simply no time to indulge your abstract fantasies....time is more than just your heart-shaped alarm clock!!